- If you're crossing a border or demilitarized zone in Vietnam, and a guy points a machine gun at you, just put your hands in the air and walk slowly, and you should be fine.
- If at all possible, try to choose a hotel or restaurant that has cats, because that means there will be fewer rats or cockroaches (I guess they don't feed them Fancy Feast.)
- Try to get some Valium before you leave, so you can take it on long bus rides when you want to sleep.
OK, seriously. Why would you give advice like this to a completely freaked out pre-travel traveller? Demilitarized zone? Machine gun? Cockroaches? Rats? Valium? It's like they don't actually want me to go anywhere.
Actually, if you combine all of those things in one giant scenario, it might be worth watching.