Saturday, March 8, 2008

Pause




I haven't seen anyone in my family for five months. We talk every few days, over a staticky and disjointed internet phone line, or via Google chat, meaning the content of a ten-minute conversation can take up to an hour. On Christmas we used the webcam, and we saw everyone all together and felt our distance from them even more strongly. The cheerful smiles we painted on our faces were pained and determined. I grinned and laughed, but wanted to cry. Every day I wish I had my sisters and mom with me. Sometimes I'll be sitting at breakfast and I'll burst into tears in the restaurant, leaving BG struggling to wonder where that came from.

The five of us always had an awesome relationship, but I never knew how much I depend on their support. I never realized how they understand me like nobody else; they can cheer me up like nobody else, and when I understand that I am acting totally crazy, they sympathize.

I wish they were here to help me braid my hair now that it's long enough. I wish they were here so we could laugh in unison at the exact same tempo and rhythm until we cry and take goofy self-portrait photos like we always do. I wish they were here to go shopping in the markets, to share the weird street snacks, to pose for crazy pictures, to talk. I wish somebody would borrow my mascara. I wish that they could see all of the amazing things that we've seen because they deserve to be astounded too.

J, K, C: Remember when Mom used to yell at us to not fight when we were little because we were all that we had and we were going to have each other forever? And we thought it was a threat? I realize now that it was a promise.


3 comments:

C and J said...

We miss you too Val, oh so much! I'm thrilled that I've been so lucky to chat with you a few times this week. I am trying to plan a trip to come visit you but it's not easy. Believe me, I really want to. You guys take care of yourselves and each other, we'll see you as soon as we can.

Karen said...

yes! i remember when mom used to "threaten" us. we had so many good, silly, fun and stupid times. growing up with V, J and C was perfect. i wouldn't change any of it! remember the mirror trick and how it made us look 'fat'...i have the scar to prove it! i'm so glad you're experiencing all this stuff - it's so amazing and it makes me so happy for you!!! of course, i wish i could see it too, but i'm relying on your eyes and ears to capture it all. you've done a fabulous job so far with your rockin photos and wonderful blogs. this particular one meant a lot. ironically, i braided my hair today...i miss you!!! i feel like i'm going to cry as i write this, i love you so much! we'll always be here for you and of course, we're always thinking of you... :) you better not be crying right now - j/k xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxxx

Karen said...
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