You Know You're in Africa When

• The taxi runs out of fuel two blocks from your final destination, and it's not a big deal. (At least it wasn't the highway.)
  
• The menu lists ostrich filet, springbok, and kudu steaks with chips.
• The band plays 'Stand by Me', accompanied, fabulously, only by tribal drums.
• It takes two months to receive confirmation of a hotel booking, and you're kind of okay with that.
• Food described as spicy is actually slightly too spicy.
• Planning a trip requires asking questions like, 'Is the ferry for the river border crossing actually big enough for a car?'
• The country you're visiting has eleven official languages.
  
• And the taxi driver can speak six of them.
• People finally know what I'm talking about when I mention Mauritius.
• The mosquitoes are positively nuclear. (Not nucular.)
• People talk about driving over 340m high sand dunes without flinching.
• Campers gripe about the pea-sized sand fleas, adders, and scorpions like we talk about black flies. It's the crocodiles and hippos you have to really worry about!
  
• Everything can be braiied (barbequed.) Everything.
• People own SUVs not for status, but for survival. Land Rovers aren't pretentious, they're practical!
• Chocolate bars have the consistency of candles.
• You're a 12-hour flight from Europe, but in the same time zone as Germany.
• Local wine is divine, and the fruit juice is magical.
• You can wake up and look out to the ocean, and then look the other way to Table Mountain.
• People eat corn porridge for breakfast.
• Tofu is exotic.
• All of the east-flowing rivers in the continent are infested with little tiny snails that become parasitic worms that burrow into your skin and invade your bloodstream. Don't swim in them.
• The people are beautiful, the beaches are to die for, and the air vibrates with exotic culture and energy.
• History is horrific but there's always hope.